Remembering My Cousin Bert

If you've ever had cancer, it is inevitable that you will think of death and your own mortality. Death has been on my mind for the last two years ... not on the forefront, but definitely somewhere in the shadows.

In all those moments, I never thought that we would lose our cousin Bert to a heart attack. Bert with the big smile and the big heart couldn't possibly be dead at the age of 45.   But she was, and the world got a little dimmer.

As I was reeling from the news, I remembered the teenager all those years ago who spent almost every weekend with us at the house in Keramat. Bert would meet me at the Star office in PJ, and together we would head home.

There lots of evenings spent grilling satay on Mum's makeshift charcoal grill; making little pizzas; going to movies; hanging out talking into the late hours of the night ... Sunday lunches at Swanson's followed by rum raisin ice cream. There was always laughter because we were at that stage in our lives -- young, unmarried, unhampered by the angst of love, all of which would come later. We were then, all young and happy, the promise of our lives stretching endlessly before us.

Bert's life would burn brilliantly for only a short time but those of us who were lucky enough to have known her, will always remember her -- the sound of her laughter, the twinkle in her eye.

Goodbye my dear cousin. You may be gone but we will never forget you.

Graduation to 6 Months

I have been cancer free for two years and hence I have graduated to seeing Dr. Schaffer every six months. For the last two years I have seen her every three months. I can tell she is happy for me ... I am happy for myself!

We talk briefly about how well I did through the whole horrible process, and then I tell her about the cramping pain I've had in my calf that I've had for the last two weeks, but which has mysteriously disappeared on that day. She tells me that I must call her at once if the pain comes back and I have a brief moment of alarm as I realize what she thinks it is -- deep vein thrombosis. That had never crossed my mind.

Will I never be free of the side-effects of curing this terrible, terrible disease?

I checked the Mayo Clinic's website and one of the causes of DVT is ... drum roll ...

Cancer. Some forms of cancer increase the amount of substances in your blood that cause your blood to clot. Some forms of cancer treatment also increase the risk of blood clots.

And yes, DVT can kill:

A pulmonary embolism occurs when a blood vessel in your lung becomes blocked by a blood clot (thrombus) that travels to your lungs from another part of your body, usually your leg.
A pulmonary embolism can be fatal.

Please God let this just be a leg cramp/muscle pain caused by Arimedex.

The MRI

The MRI has come back with no abnormalities! I can breathe again. I have no words of wisdom ... I am just grateful at the chance to live.