Tomorrow is my Big Witch chemo and it will also be my 10th one ... so only 8 more to go!!! But the most important thing is that after tomorrow I will have only two more Big Witch chemo sessions to get through. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Now that air-conditioning has been restored at home, I have been able to exercise and I got to cook again after not being able to do it for almost a week. I'm trying to eat food high in fiber and am trying to hydrate more than usual because that will help immensely with tolerating the poison ... oh, I meant drugs ... and helping with the constipation. It's a spinach salad for lunch and soup for dinner tonight. I've also been making sure that I eat foods high in potassium because the nurse last week said that my potassium levels were down a wee bit.
I cut my finger nails as short as I could last night because I've got the black half moons from one of the drugs -- Taxotere, and my nails have been aching. Cutting them short has helped because they don't bang against anything especially when I type. I've read on the discussion board where some people's nails get black and then fall out. I'm praying that mine don't. I use gloves to wash dishes but I've noticed that hot water hurts my nails so I'm now doing dishes with lukewarm water.
I am still grateful that I am faring well. And I am utterly amazed at what the human body can tolerate and what my spirit can endure. I have stopped being annoyed at the doctors and nurses saying how well I am looking and doing. It is a testament to my spirit that refuses to give in to this crappy disease. So, thank you my nurses and doctors for acknowledging that the plan I embarked on when I was first diagnosed is working -- DO NOT GIVE IN TO THIS CRAPPY DISEASE!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
When It Rains It Pours
I lost my cool a little this week and had some words with God. But He and I are ok now ... he understands that was the crazy Evelyn and not the calm one. It's hard sometimes when everything seems to be piling up on your head. This was my time.
When I came home Wednesday afternoon, it seemed that we had lost power in some parts of the house, and power was flickering off and on in parts of the house that had lost power. Wasn't too concerned because we still had power and the fans were going and we were still fairly cool in spite of the 90-degree heat we've been having.
Called Woodfin to have an electrician come between 2 - 4 pm to take a look. Monica drove me and Sarah to my infusion because my cowardly child could not do it herself, and John was at a conference in Jacksonville. The infusion went quickly. I had a new nurse ... Ann and I liked her. I thought my blood pressure would be sky high because of everything going on but it was surprisingly good ... 112/63. My absolute neuts was 1.1 ... normal finally! Took the girls for lunch at Capital Ale House as a "thank you".
Of course the Woodfin electrician was way late and he didn't bring us good news ... he told us that crimping on the wires in the Dominion box outside the house had melted and hence power to some parts of the house and not to other parts. I called Dominion Power and they arrived within the hour just after the Woodfin electrician left. The electrician redeemed himself by turning back and trying to find a way to give us temporary electricity to at least run the air-conditioning, but alas it was not to be, and Dominion Power cut off power to the entire house. Which meant that I lost my fan in the bedroom.
Thank goodness for having a good neighbor ... we took our frozen meats to Miss June's house and she asked me to spend the night but I didn't feel like leaving the cats all by themselves. Sarah had no such qualms ... she took herself off to her apartment ... I really can't blame her.
I survived the night with no air-conditioning and a dying cable box that screeched for hours until I thought I would go stark raving mad. Thank goodness I was able to take myself off to work and worked till 5 pm. John came home and we went to Marriott's Residence Inn where we have been in blessed air-conditioning for the last three days. We are keeping our fingers crossed that everything will be fixed tomorrow ... I need to have my kitchen back so I can cook food to prepare me for Thursday's TCH. And to exercise!
Yesterday was our 23rd anniversary and we chose to just have lunch with Sarah and David to celebrate. We didn't need anything else. OK chocolate makes everything better ... we are sharing a box of yummy chocolates.
When I came home Wednesday afternoon, it seemed that we had lost power in some parts of the house, and power was flickering off and on in parts of the house that had lost power. Wasn't too concerned because we still had power and the fans were going and we were still fairly cool in spite of the 90-degree heat we've been having.
Called Woodfin to have an electrician come between 2 - 4 pm to take a look. Monica drove me and Sarah to my infusion because my cowardly child could not do it herself, and John was at a conference in Jacksonville. The infusion went quickly. I had a new nurse ... Ann and I liked her. I thought my blood pressure would be sky high because of everything going on but it was surprisingly good ... 112/63. My absolute neuts was 1.1 ... normal finally! Took the girls for lunch at Capital Ale House as a "thank you".
Of course the Woodfin electrician was way late and he didn't bring us good news ... he told us that crimping on the wires in the Dominion box outside the house had melted and hence power to some parts of the house and not to other parts. I called Dominion Power and they arrived within the hour just after the Woodfin electrician left. The electrician redeemed himself by turning back and trying to find a way to give us temporary electricity to at least run the air-conditioning, but alas it was not to be, and Dominion Power cut off power to the entire house. Which meant that I lost my fan in the bedroom.
Thank goodness for having a good neighbor ... we took our frozen meats to Miss June's house and she asked me to spend the night but I didn't feel like leaving the cats all by themselves. Sarah had no such qualms ... she took herself off to her apartment ... I really can't blame her.
I survived the night with no air-conditioning and a dying cable box that screeched for hours until I thought I would go stark raving mad. Thank goodness I was able to take myself off to work and worked till 5 pm. John came home and we went to Marriott's Residence Inn where we have been in blessed air-conditioning for the last three days. We are keeping our fingers crossed that everything will be fixed tomorrow ... I need to have my kitchen back so I can cook food to prepare me for Thursday's TCH. And to exercise!
Yesterday was our 23rd anniversary and we chose to just have lunch with Sarah and David to celebrate. We didn't need anything else. OK chocolate makes everything better ... we are sharing a box of yummy chocolates.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
The Day Before the Halfway Point
I am in an odd but happy place ... tomorrow I will be exactly halfway through my treatments. I don't have the words to describe how I am feeling!
It is a bit strange too because I sense I am entering a new phase of my treatment. I feel myself weakening ... it's harder to motivate myself now ... I have to almost force myself to exercise but I must keep at it! A weak body will weaken my spirit ... I know it will. I don't want to plunge into that darkness.
The bloating is constant now and not just the week after the TCH. It is so bizarre to see that chemo bloated belly where one didn't exist before. I have to eat small meals because normal size meals just make me miserable. Vegetables and fruits and meats are ok but starches seem to aggravate the bloating. It is about constant adjusting and adjusting ... I am a pretzel ... twist me this way and twist me that way ... I shall not break! Oops ... being a bit silly.
Getting to that time when I have to start eating lots of fiber and soups, but only after Saturday. On Saturday we get to celebrate our 23rd anniversary with lunch because too much food in the evening makes me miserable (see how this works? Adjust ... adjust).
Overall this has been a decent week with some days of just unexpected fatigue. Perhaps that had to do with having to sort through and launder all those bags of Sarah's clothes that are destined for Goodwill! I'm just kidding ... it's chemo fatigue.
It is a bit strange too because I sense I am entering a new phase of my treatment. I feel myself weakening ... it's harder to motivate myself now ... I have to almost force myself to exercise but I must keep at it! A weak body will weaken my spirit ... I know it will. I don't want to plunge into that darkness.
The bloating is constant now and not just the week after the TCH. It is so bizarre to see that chemo bloated belly where one didn't exist before. I have to eat small meals because normal size meals just make me miserable. Vegetables and fruits and meats are ok but starches seem to aggravate the bloating. It is about constant adjusting and adjusting ... I am a pretzel ... twist me this way and twist me that way ... I shall not break! Oops ... being a bit silly.
Getting to that time when I have to start eating lots of fiber and soups, but only after Saturday. On Saturday we get to celebrate our 23rd anniversary with lunch because too much food in the evening makes me miserable (see how this works? Adjust ... adjust).
Overall this has been a decent week with some days of just unexpected fatigue. Perhaps that had to do with having to sort through and launder all those bags of Sarah's clothes that are destined for Goodwill! I'm just kidding ... it's chemo fatigue.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Eight Down
I am almost at the half way mark with my infusions. With today's infusion I have done eight ... ten more to go! The infusion went well ... I got my good nurse Maria again and I was pleased. My absolute neutrophils are down to .6 this week, and I have to go on restricted activities again. Really? Really?
Before my infusion I had an appointment with my oncologist Dr. Schaffer. She is pleased with my progress and tells me that I am doing well ... that I am one of her best patients. I don't have to change anything I am doing. I asked her whether I would be on any medication after my Herceptin infusion ends in April. And much to my distress she says that I will be on something called Arimidex for five years. It's a pill that one takes everyday to suppress the estrogen that stimulates cancer. I wanted to scream bloody murder ... she wouldn't have thought I was a good patient then!
And of course when I get home I do research on Arimidex and none of it is pretty. If I had to choose now, I would choose not to do it ... I cannot deal with all the drug's side effects for five years. Why on God's green earth can't someone invent a medication without all these terrible side effects?
I'll just have to see what frame of mind I am in when April rolls around.
Before my infusion I had an appointment with my oncologist Dr. Schaffer. She is pleased with my progress and tells me that I am doing well ... that I am one of her best patients. I don't have to change anything I am doing. I asked her whether I would be on any medication after my Herceptin infusion ends in April. And much to my distress she says that I will be on something called Arimidex for five years. It's a pill that one takes everyday to suppress the estrogen that stimulates cancer. I wanted to scream bloody murder ... she wouldn't have thought I was a good patient then!
And of course when I get home I do research on Arimidex and none of it is pretty. If I had to choose now, I would choose not to do it ... I cannot deal with all the drug's side effects for five years. Why on God's green earth can't someone invent a medication without all these terrible side effects?
I'll just have to see what frame of mind I am in when April rolls around.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Memorial Day
I am thinking that today is a good day to be alive even as we honor the memories of those brave men and women who gave up their lives in service to their country. It's a beautiful sunny day ... sunshine and green, green grass, and Sarah is home, and my world is just right.
I am still suffering the effects of the TCH infusion on Thursday. I am still fatigued with that body numbing tiredness that knocks me out, and robs me of precious minutes. And eating is till hard ... everything I eat causes me GI pain. Nothing tastes normal but I am convinced that I will always be able to find something that will be edible for the moment.
This weekend it is sweet ice cold watermelon and in a few days it will be something else. It just seems a little odd that a big part of my world now is finding foods that I can eat and forcing myself to eat just so I can fight this monster.
David and Sarah are home for dinner, so we picked up some hormone-free ribeye steaks from Tom Leonards, and marinated them for about six hours. Beef still tastes good but I will have to split a steak with Sarah because a whole one is just too much. I can still eat rice so I cooked rice with chicken stock and topped it with fried shallots and crispy bacon. I also made some oven roasted potatoes which I am not always sure I will be able to eat. Potatoes are iffy ... creamy, soft food does not always taste good. I definitely cannot eat anything creamy and sweet. I am not doing well with sweet things.
But I am grateful for today. I will gladly take it.
I am still suffering the effects of the TCH infusion on Thursday. I am still fatigued with that body numbing tiredness that knocks me out, and robs me of precious minutes. And eating is till hard ... everything I eat causes me GI pain. Nothing tastes normal but I am convinced that I will always be able to find something that will be edible for the moment.
This weekend it is sweet ice cold watermelon and in a few days it will be something else. It just seems a little odd that a big part of my world now is finding foods that I can eat and forcing myself to eat just so I can fight this monster.
David and Sarah are home for dinner, so we picked up some hormone-free ribeye steaks from Tom Leonards, and marinated them for about six hours. Beef still tastes good but I will have to split a steak with Sarah because a whole one is just too much. I can still eat rice so I cooked rice with chicken stock and topped it with fried shallots and crispy bacon. I also made some oven roasted potatoes which I am not always sure I will be able to eat. Potatoes are iffy ... creamy, soft food does not always taste good. I definitely cannot eat anything creamy and sweet. I am not doing well with sweet things.
But I am grateful for today. I will gladly take it.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Half Way Through TCH
When I first started, 18 weeks looked like such a long stretch of time, but now that I am half way through my TCH infusion and have had 7 total infusions, it seems so doable. The clue is to take one week at a time and check it off your list. My new mantra with the treatments is "live in the moment" -- just look at the step in front of you and conquer that before you put your foot down on the next step.
It is the same at work. On the week after chemo when I am weary to the bone and my concentration is bad, I set myself small doable tasks and I tackle one thing at a time. Small projects completed will add up to many jobs done in a day. Or if I have a big project, I do small complete tasks and before I know it, the project is done in a few days and I do not feel overwhelmed. You just have to accept that your life is different now. You have to fit this crappy cancer into your life ... you must not fit your life into it ... this gives it too much power over you, and you will never win.
I have come to accept that each day, each week will be different for me. Today for the first time my absolute neutrophils were 7.5 ... normal for the first time in seven weeks! Each week I give myself a little treat after the infusions. Tonight it will be eating popcorn and watching The Fighter. Last week it was lunch on Friday at the Irish pub with some friends. Little things to celebrate the end of another week of infusions and another week of surviving.
I have also signed on to be one of 60 people in a Bon Secours nursing survey of women with early stage breast cancer and how they cope. This will not help me but it will help all those other patients after me. I was happy to do it. I now belong to a sisterhood (I know men are affected by this too but it is still overwhelming female) and I believe it is my duty to do this and I do it gladly.
I am still trying to find out what God wants me to do with this.
It is the same at work. On the week after chemo when I am weary to the bone and my concentration is bad, I set myself small doable tasks and I tackle one thing at a time. Small projects completed will add up to many jobs done in a day. Or if I have a big project, I do small complete tasks and before I know it, the project is done in a few days and I do not feel overwhelmed. You just have to accept that your life is different now. You have to fit this crappy cancer into your life ... you must not fit your life into it ... this gives it too much power over you, and you will never win.
I have come to accept that each day, each week will be different for me. Today for the first time my absolute neutrophils were 7.5 ... normal for the first time in seven weeks! Each week I give myself a little treat after the infusions. Tonight it will be eating popcorn and watching The Fighter. Last week it was lunch on Friday at the Irish pub with some friends. Little things to celebrate the end of another week of infusions and another week of surviving.
I have also signed on to be one of 60 people in a Bon Secours nursing survey of women with early stage breast cancer and how they cope. This will not help me but it will help all those other patients after me. I was happy to do it. I now belong to a sisterhood (I know men are affected by this too but it is still overwhelming female) and I believe it is my duty to do this and I do it gladly.
I am still trying to find out what God wants me to do with this.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
A Decent Week
This has been a good week so far. I have been able to exercise and eat well and I've had good energy for the most part until today. I am a bit tired today and had to take a 45 minute nap and I am still yawning like crazy. Looks like it is going to be an early night for me ... the bathrooms will just have to wait till tomorrow.
It's getting harder and harder to keep the energy up but the end is in sight. On Thursday when I get my third Big Witch chemo, that will put me smack in the middle! And I will have 11 more infusions to go in this cycle.
My life is still chugging along.
It's getting harder and harder to keep the energy up but the end is in sight. On Thursday when I get my third Big Witch chemo, that will put me smack in the middle! And I will have 11 more infusions to go in this cycle.
My life is still chugging along.
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