I'd ordered this book because I had seen the movie Living Proof which had been based on the book, and I was just curious. I must say that I have thoroughly enjoyed this book. Bazell's got an easy writing style ... it's difficult to write about all that medical stuff and terms without putting people to sleep, but Bazell manages to keep you interested.
While this book is about Her-2 and the development of Herceptin, it is so much more than that. I learned about the different kinds of treatment for cancer that were available when Herceptin was being developed and that was very interesting to me. I wept for all those women who lost their lives because Herceptin was not available to them during the trials. It's hard not to cry for them because they are more than names on a page ... these are human beings ... women who made a difference in the world and the loss of whom made an impact on their families and friends and in their professions.
And again I came away with a gratitude that Dr. Dennis Slamon did not give up. He knew what this drug could do. I know that only between 25 - 30 % of all breast cancer patients are Her-2 positive, but our lives count too! I will live because Herceptin exists.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
A Bad One
This is going to be a bad week ... I can always tell from the weekend after the TCH. I am fatigued with muscle spasms, cramps, stabbing pains, bloating, my nails are hurting and I cannot put pressure on my fingers which makes it difficult to do the simplest of tasks. And to top it all, the awful taste is back and I have no desire to eat anything. I have lost four pounds since Thursday. I am flavoring my water with lemon slices again which I haven't had to do in a long time. Staying hydrated is essential.
I know this too shall pass ... thanks Lucy for the reminder. But there is still this week to get through even though I want to curl up in a ball and shut the world out. Thank goodness for small mercies although in my case it is a big one ... it is the week long break between the quarters and there are no students! I can work at my own pace.
One foot in front of the other ... one foot in front of the other ... that is how I get through this week.
I know this too shall pass ... thanks Lucy for the reminder. But there is still this week to get through even though I want to curl up in a ball and shut the world out. Thank goodness for small mercies although in my case it is a big one ... it is the week long break between the quarters and there are no students! I can work at my own pace.
One foot in front of the other ... one foot in front of the other ... that is how I get through this week.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Eight More to Go!
Today is my fourth TCH infusion and the 10th infusion out of the 18, which means that I have 8 more to go! I can do this! I can do this! I had a new nurse today and the infusion went well, but I do miss my Maria.
My levels are pretty good:
Absolute neuts: 9.1 which is up from last week but I expect it to plummet this week
Potassium: 3.8 which is up from the 3.4, so all the potassium rich food that I consumed last week helped
I've taken my decadron, am drinking lots of fluids, eating vegetables and keeping an eye on my fiber, so hopefully all will be well this week. I expect my Absolute Neuts to plummet as the chemo destroys my good cells as well as the cancer ones. And then that damn fatigue will descend upon me.
In keeping with my reward myself Thursday, I joined the Godiva Rewards Club and got a dark chocolate truffle today. Thank goodness chocolate still tastes good to me.
Will see how this weekend goes ...
My levels are pretty good:
Absolute neuts: 9.1 which is up from last week but I expect it to plummet this week
Potassium: 3.8 which is up from the 3.4, so all the potassium rich food that I consumed last week helped
I've taken my decadron, am drinking lots of fluids, eating vegetables and keeping an eye on my fiber, so hopefully all will be well this week. I expect my Absolute Neuts to plummet as the chemo destroys my good cells as well as the cancer ones. And then that damn fatigue will descend upon me.
In keeping with my reward myself Thursday, I joined the Godiva Rewards Club and got a dark chocolate truffle today. Thank goodness chocolate still tastes good to me.
Will see how this weekend goes ...
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Recurrence
I have not reached the stage of talking about recurrence rates with my oncologist ... I haven't thought it was necessary. But if you read the discussion boards, there are people who are obsessed with this. I do understand this but I have not had any need for assurances and guarantees because I have long understood that life is a gamble. However, people want to know their recurrence rates so that they can best determine what treatment they will undergo. And there are others who just need to be reassured.
My treatment has been very aggressive given the size of my tumor but I always understood the need for that given the HER2+ nature of my cancer. Every now and then the thought crosses my mind ... will this cancer come back? But it never stays long because I have faith.
On one of the discussion boards I ran across a link to this study which discussed my exact situation and the outcome for me is great: http://jco.ascopubs.org/content/28/28/e541 I am grateful!
My treatment has been very aggressive given the size of my tumor but I always understood the need for that given the HER2+ nature of my cancer. Every now and then the thought crosses my mind ... will this cancer come back? But it never stays long because I have faith.
On one of the discussion boards I ran across a link to this study which discussed my exact situation and the outcome for me is great: http://jco.ascopubs.org/content/28/28/e541 I am grateful!
Tick ... Tock
Tomorrow is my Big Witch chemo and it will also be my 10th one ... so only 8 more to go!!! But the most important thing is that after tomorrow I will have only two more Big Witch chemo sessions to get through. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Now that air-conditioning has been restored at home, I have been able to exercise and I got to cook again after not being able to do it for almost a week. I'm trying to eat food high in fiber and am trying to hydrate more than usual because that will help immensely with tolerating the poison ... oh, I meant drugs ... and helping with the constipation. It's a spinach salad for lunch and soup for dinner tonight. I've also been making sure that I eat foods high in potassium because the nurse last week said that my potassium levels were down a wee bit.
I cut my finger nails as short as I could last night because I've got the black half moons from one of the drugs -- Taxotere, and my nails have been aching. Cutting them short has helped because they don't bang against anything especially when I type. I've read on the discussion board where some people's nails get black and then fall out. I'm praying that mine don't. I use gloves to wash dishes but I've noticed that hot water hurts my nails so I'm now doing dishes with lukewarm water.
I am still grateful that I am faring well. And I am utterly amazed at what the human body can tolerate and what my spirit can endure. I have stopped being annoyed at the doctors and nurses saying how well I am looking and doing. It is a testament to my spirit that refuses to give in to this crappy disease. So, thank you my nurses and doctors for acknowledging that the plan I embarked on when I was first diagnosed is working -- DO NOT GIVE IN TO THIS CRAPPY DISEASE!
Now that air-conditioning has been restored at home, I have been able to exercise and I got to cook again after not being able to do it for almost a week. I'm trying to eat food high in fiber and am trying to hydrate more than usual because that will help immensely with tolerating the poison ... oh, I meant drugs ... and helping with the constipation. It's a spinach salad for lunch and soup for dinner tonight. I've also been making sure that I eat foods high in potassium because the nurse last week said that my potassium levels were down a wee bit.
I cut my finger nails as short as I could last night because I've got the black half moons from one of the drugs -- Taxotere, and my nails have been aching. Cutting them short has helped because they don't bang against anything especially when I type. I've read on the discussion board where some people's nails get black and then fall out. I'm praying that mine don't. I use gloves to wash dishes but I've noticed that hot water hurts my nails so I'm now doing dishes with lukewarm water.
I am still grateful that I am faring well. And I am utterly amazed at what the human body can tolerate and what my spirit can endure. I have stopped being annoyed at the doctors and nurses saying how well I am looking and doing. It is a testament to my spirit that refuses to give in to this crappy disease. So, thank you my nurses and doctors for acknowledging that the plan I embarked on when I was first diagnosed is working -- DO NOT GIVE IN TO THIS CRAPPY DISEASE!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
When It Rains It Pours
I lost my cool a little this week and had some words with God. But He and I are ok now ... he understands that was the crazy Evelyn and not the calm one. It's hard sometimes when everything seems to be piling up on your head. This was my time.
When I came home Wednesday afternoon, it seemed that we had lost power in some parts of the house, and power was flickering off and on in parts of the house that had lost power. Wasn't too concerned because we still had power and the fans were going and we were still fairly cool in spite of the 90-degree heat we've been having.
Called Woodfin to have an electrician come between 2 - 4 pm to take a look. Monica drove me and Sarah to my infusion because my cowardly child could not do it herself, and John was at a conference in Jacksonville. The infusion went quickly. I had a new nurse ... Ann and I liked her. I thought my blood pressure would be sky high because of everything going on but it was surprisingly good ... 112/63. My absolute neuts was 1.1 ... normal finally! Took the girls for lunch at Capital Ale House as a "thank you".
Of course the Woodfin electrician was way late and he didn't bring us good news ... he told us that crimping on the wires in the Dominion box outside the house had melted and hence power to some parts of the house and not to other parts. I called Dominion Power and they arrived within the hour just after the Woodfin electrician left. The electrician redeemed himself by turning back and trying to find a way to give us temporary electricity to at least run the air-conditioning, but alas it was not to be, and Dominion Power cut off power to the entire house. Which meant that I lost my fan in the bedroom.
Thank goodness for having a good neighbor ... we took our frozen meats to Miss June's house and she asked me to spend the night but I didn't feel like leaving the cats all by themselves. Sarah had no such qualms ... she took herself off to her apartment ... I really can't blame her.
I survived the night with no air-conditioning and a dying cable box that screeched for hours until I thought I would go stark raving mad. Thank goodness I was able to take myself off to work and worked till 5 pm. John came home and we went to Marriott's Residence Inn where we have been in blessed air-conditioning for the last three days. We are keeping our fingers crossed that everything will be fixed tomorrow ... I need to have my kitchen back so I can cook food to prepare me for Thursday's TCH. And to exercise!
Yesterday was our 23rd anniversary and we chose to just have lunch with Sarah and David to celebrate. We didn't need anything else. OK chocolate makes everything better ... we are sharing a box of yummy chocolates.
When I came home Wednesday afternoon, it seemed that we had lost power in some parts of the house, and power was flickering off and on in parts of the house that had lost power. Wasn't too concerned because we still had power and the fans were going and we were still fairly cool in spite of the 90-degree heat we've been having.
Called Woodfin to have an electrician come between 2 - 4 pm to take a look. Monica drove me and Sarah to my infusion because my cowardly child could not do it herself, and John was at a conference in Jacksonville. The infusion went quickly. I had a new nurse ... Ann and I liked her. I thought my blood pressure would be sky high because of everything going on but it was surprisingly good ... 112/63. My absolute neuts was 1.1 ... normal finally! Took the girls for lunch at Capital Ale House as a "thank you".
Of course the Woodfin electrician was way late and he didn't bring us good news ... he told us that crimping on the wires in the Dominion box outside the house had melted and hence power to some parts of the house and not to other parts. I called Dominion Power and they arrived within the hour just after the Woodfin electrician left. The electrician redeemed himself by turning back and trying to find a way to give us temporary electricity to at least run the air-conditioning, but alas it was not to be, and Dominion Power cut off power to the entire house. Which meant that I lost my fan in the bedroom.
Thank goodness for having a good neighbor ... we took our frozen meats to Miss June's house and she asked me to spend the night but I didn't feel like leaving the cats all by themselves. Sarah had no such qualms ... she took herself off to her apartment ... I really can't blame her.
I survived the night with no air-conditioning and a dying cable box that screeched for hours until I thought I would go stark raving mad. Thank goodness I was able to take myself off to work and worked till 5 pm. John came home and we went to Marriott's Residence Inn where we have been in blessed air-conditioning for the last three days. We are keeping our fingers crossed that everything will be fixed tomorrow ... I need to have my kitchen back so I can cook food to prepare me for Thursday's TCH. And to exercise!
Yesterday was our 23rd anniversary and we chose to just have lunch with Sarah and David to celebrate. We didn't need anything else. OK chocolate makes everything better ... we are sharing a box of yummy chocolates.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
The Day Before the Halfway Point
I am in an odd but happy place ... tomorrow I will be exactly halfway through my treatments. I don't have the words to describe how I am feeling!
It is a bit strange too because I sense I am entering a new phase of my treatment. I feel myself weakening ... it's harder to motivate myself now ... I have to almost force myself to exercise but I must keep at it! A weak body will weaken my spirit ... I know it will. I don't want to plunge into that darkness.
The bloating is constant now and not just the week after the TCH. It is so bizarre to see that chemo bloated belly where one didn't exist before. I have to eat small meals because normal size meals just make me miserable. Vegetables and fruits and meats are ok but starches seem to aggravate the bloating. It is about constant adjusting and adjusting ... I am a pretzel ... twist me this way and twist me that way ... I shall not break! Oops ... being a bit silly.
Getting to that time when I have to start eating lots of fiber and soups, but only after Saturday. On Saturday we get to celebrate our 23rd anniversary with lunch because too much food in the evening makes me miserable (see how this works? Adjust ... adjust).
Overall this has been a decent week with some days of just unexpected fatigue. Perhaps that had to do with having to sort through and launder all those bags of Sarah's clothes that are destined for Goodwill! I'm just kidding ... it's chemo fatigue.
It is a bit strange too because I sense I am entering a new phase of my treatment. I feel myself weakening ... it's harder to motivate myself now ... I have to almost force myself to exercise but I must keep at it! A weak body will weaken my spirit ... I know it will. I don't want to plunge into that darkness.
The bloating is constant now and not just the week after the TCH. It is so bizarre to see that chemo bloated belly where one didn't exist before. I have to eat small meals because normal size meals just make me miserable. Vegetables and fruits and meats are ok but starches seem to aggravate the bloating. It is about constant adjusting and adjusting ... I am a pretzel ... twist me this way and twist me that way ... I shall not break! Oops ... being a bit silly.
Getting to that time when I have to start eating lots of fiber and soups, but only after Saturday. On Saturday we get to celebrate our 23rd anniversary with lunch because too much food in the evening makes me miserable (see how this works? Adjust ... adjust).
Overall this has been a decent week with some days of just unexpected fatigue. Perhaps that had to do with having to sort through and launder all those bags of Sarah's clothes that are destined for Goodwill! I'm just kidding ... it's chemo fatigue.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Eight Down
I am almost at the half way mark with my infusions. With today's infusion I have done eight ... ten more to go! The infusion went well ... I got my good nurse Maria again and I was pleased. My absolute neutrophils are down to .6 this week, and I have to go on restricted activities again. Really? Really?
Before my infusion I had an appointment with my oncologist Dr. Schaffer. She is pleased with my progress and tells me that I am doing well ... that I am one of her best patients. I don't have to change anything I am doing. I asked her whether I would be on any medication after my Herceptin infusion ends in April. And much to my distress she says that I will be on something called Arimidex for five years. It's a pill that one takes everyday to suppress the estrogen that stimulates cancer. I wanted to scream bloody murder ... she wouldn't have thought I was a good patient then!
And of course when I get home I do research on Arimidex and none of it is pretty. If I had to choose now, I would choose not to do it ... I cannot deal with all the drug's side effects for five years. Why on God's green earth can't someone invent a medication without all these terrible side effects?
I'll just have to see what frame of mind I am in when April rolls around.
Before my infusion I had an appointment with my oncologist Dr. Schaffer. She is pleased with my progress and tells me that I am doing well ... that I am one of her best patients. I don't have to change anything I am doing. I asked her whether I would be on any medication after my Herceptin infusion ends in April. And much to my distress she says that I will be on something called Arimidex for five years. It's a pill that one takes everyday to suppress the estrogen that stimulates cancer. I wanted to scream bloody murder ... she wouldn't have thought I was a good patient then!
And of course when I get home I do research on Arimidex and none of it is pretty. If I had to choose now, I would choose not to do it ... I cannot deal with all the drug's side effects for five years. Why on God's green earth can't someone invent a medication without all these terrible side effects?
I'll just have to see what frame of mind I am in when April rolls around.
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