Dr. Ellen Shaw de Paredes

I woke up this morning to the awful news on the front page of our newspaper that Dr. de Paredes had died on Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014, at the age of 62. What do you say about a woman who saved your life?

Every year for over a decade I put my life in Dr. de Paredes' hands and I trusted her with that life. In January, 2011, as she held my hand through that last awful biopsy that changed my life forever, I knew something bad was coming down the pike. And in that awful moment when you get the news that brings your whole world crashing down, Dr. de Paredes already had a plan laid out for me, and out of the chaos came some order and the glimmer of  hope.

I have never trusted a doctor the way I trusted Dr. de Paredes and ultimately perhaps that is the greatest gift you can give any doctor. She was the ultimate professional - a great doctor who was caring and compassionate and treated each of her patients with dignity and respect. I never doubted for a second that she would give my case her full attention and the best she could possibly do.

So, Dr. de Paredes, one last time -- thank you for my life. And it goes without saying that I will never forget you.

http://www.timesdispatch.com/news/local/ellen-shaw-de-paredes-breast-imaging-specialist-dies-at/article_b85ec7ed-0770-53ef-9854-dfdc4a5b1479.html

3D Mammography

There are always some things that invoke some trepidation and dread, no matter how positive you try to be ... my annual mammography is one of them. I do it gladly because it saved my life but it also marks a time that tested my body and my spirit.

This year we were given the option of trying a new technology -- 3D Mammography: http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/imaging/locations_directions/green_spring_station/tomosynthesis.html
It's FDA approved but it isn't yet covered by most insurance companies. I didn't think $60 was too much to pay for something like this. I figured that it was a low cost to pay for peace of mind.

What I had not reckoned with was that it would magnify potentially problematic areas that a normal mammogram could not. And when Dr. de Paredes herself came in to do the ultrasound, I felt my heart sink, in remembrance of the last time Dr. de Paredes came into the room and my whole world changed.

But I got my notification in the mail yesterday -- "We are happy to inform you your mammogram on 01/31/2014 showed no suspicious abnormalities." Thank you, God.

I am not out of the woods yet. I have an MRI on Feb. 13 and then I can breathe easy for another year.

Third Anniversary of Diagnosis

There are some anniversaries that can't really be celebrated but must be acknowledged. This is one of them. It seems hard in the quiet of the night to think that three years ago today, I sat in a little room and listened to the doctor say those dreaded words to me -- "You have invasive ductal carcinoma" and me sitting there thinking -- "What is that exactly?"

What did I learn from this? Perhaps the biggest lesson I have taken away from cancer is that your spirit can see you through the worst and ugliest of times. If you believe, all things are possible, and that massive source of strength in you just feeds your soul and your body. I don't know where it came from, but I thank God for it every day.

I made a promise to myself to treasure all the moments of this precious life that I've been given, and not to squander a moment of it on things and people who don't deserve me. Being afraid of doing what you know to be right destroys your soul. If you cannot climb up that moutain, you will never see the glory and the joy that is on the other side. Is it possible that cancer has taught me to be fearless? Rather ironic that this fearsome, loathsome disease, did not break me ... it made me stronger.

What should I do today? Absolutely nothing differently from what I do everyday and that is the triumph -- that I am here to do those things.

I could not possibly have come through those three years without my wonderful husband and amazing child, who fought down their own fears, to help me crush this disease. We have love and that is enough.

And the prayers of my family and friends wrapped their warm around me and helped me get through the tough times when my hair fell out, and my body was so worn out that I could barely move, and when everything hurt, and I wondered "can I make it through to the end?"

I have made it and on this day I say a prayer of gratitude.

Merry Christmas 2013

This is my third Christmas after this crappy disease and I am grateful for all the wonderful years I have been given and all the things I have been able to share -- Sarah's graduation, her engagement, our 25th anniversary, Hawaii.

So very much to look forward to.

Dr. Knaysi

On Dec. 24 I got a notice in the mail that Dr. Knaysi was cutting back on his practice ... reducing the number of hours in the office, etc., etc. Can't say I blame the man -- he is over 70 years old and it is time to take care of himself.

There was also a card enclosed on which we could write our recollections of how he has helped us. How do you describe in a couple of sentences how a man's skill has saved your life? And how he knew before you did that not being able to see the scars of the surgery everyday would help you overcome the horrors of this most awful of diseases?

Yes, I will be happy to write a little note to Dr. Knaysi to thank him for his skill and for not listening to me when I said I didn't care what it looked like ... just get it all out. The truth of the matter is ... it does matter what it looks like after surgery.

I will be forever grateful for Dr. Knaysi's skill and caring. I will never forget him.

Arimidex and Exercise

I didn't need a study to tell me that my achy joints and muscles would actually feel better if I just exercised. I figured that out myself during chemo and when I started taking Arimidex in October of 2011.

But it's good to have a study to confirm what I already know -- if you just exercise and keep moving, you tolerate chemo better, and now Arimidex: http://houston.cbslocal.com/2013/12/12/study-exercise-helps-women-tolerate-breast-cancer-drugs/

This is why I sometimes exercise like a demon when it would be so much easier to sit in a chair and put my feet up, and say, "poor me ... I'm too tired to do anything." My fear has always been if I did that, I would be too stiff to ever move again.

I have two more years of Arimidex and since it reduces my chance of recurrence by 50% ... I will gladly take it inspite of the side effects. I cannot believe that 15% of women in the US need to be taking Arimidex but less than 5% actually do. As long as you can live with the side effects, why would you choose not to be cancerfree?

I thank God for the opportunity to live another 5, 10, 20 or 30 years, and to treasure every moment I have left.

October in Paradise

Twenty-five years ago when we got married we were in graduate school and didn't have the money or the time for a honeymoon. We have taken many wonderful trips since then, but for our 25th we decided that we should celebrate all the years that God has given us, and take a trip to an island most people go to for their honeymoon. And so we picked Oahu, Hawaii.

This is October and even in paradise the pink ribbon is everywhere. On our way to Waimanalo I spotted this ribbon on a tree outside a medical center -- the pink vivid against the lush green ... and I can smile because I am alive and starting a weeklong vacation with the best husband anyone could wish for.

 

 

And I wonder how many women are here celebrating their victory over this dreadful disease. As I walk around enjoying the sights and sounds of Oahu, I notice a pink bracelet wrapped around a wrist, a pink t-shirt worn proudly, and I know that we have all been marked by breast cancer.

 



 

 

We had a great time in paradise! Dr. Schaffer told me not too long ago "to live" and I have done that.