It seems silly to be having a moment now but the dread has been building up. I don't want tomorrow to come. I've been cleaning and baking ginger cookies but dread is draped around my shoulders and I can't shake it off ... it's getting heavier and heavier. Oh, how I wish I could give this away.
But since I can't, I've packed my bag to take with me to chemotherapy ... my cancer cookbook to plan my week's menu, shopping list, The Postmistress to read, notepad, cookies, and tomorrow I will make some ginseng ginger green tea. There are bottles of water in the fridge ... I don't know what else one would pack for six hours of infusion.
This hasn't been a good week. I've been queasy and haven't been eating well and have lost about four pounds. I know it is just the thought of all those drugs entering my body that horrifies me ... I who cannot even take an ibuprofen without feeling guilty.
I'm sure that once the infusion starts tomorrow, I will be fine. I will have to be.
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