A Mixed Bag

It's hard to believe that a week has gone by and tomorrow I will be at the infusion center for my Herceptin. I am not looking forward to that.

I am however, grateful for the week I have had. Friday following the TCH infusion was almost normal except for the swelling and the discomfort at the port site. I ate normally but in hindsight probably shouldn't have. I noticed a feeling of nausea building up and the slow disintegration of my taste buds until even water tasted slimy.

Saturday morning was perhaps my worst period but who can say whether it was the damn chemo or the Dulcolax going through my system. But there were certainly moments when I almost wished for death (I know, I know ... wimpy). But even in moments like these God sends you little signs to comfort you. Mine was Cloudy and Tiger sitting together by the bathroom door keeping an eye on me, and at that moment if either one had asked for the moon, I would have crawled to get it for them!

Saturday was needless to say, shot to hell for me. I took a shower and stayed in my oldest, most comfortable flannel pajamas, sipping on ginger tea while curled up in the armchair. Amy made me chicken ginger soup and I was able to eat some of that. But the problem is I have now developed an aversion to ginger. I should have listened to those people who said to not eat your favorite foods within three days of getting chemo.

On Sunday everything still tastes like rubbish but there are a few things like the cran-pomegranate juice that still tastes pretty good ... crunchy green beans sauteed with just oil and minced garlic tasted mighty fine. So there is hope that I will find some foods to eat that will sustain me. I have developed the weirdest cravings for food that I have not had in almost 30 years -- Mum's fried rice with Chinese sausage; soy sauce chicken with rice and roasted peanuts (note to self ... put peanuts on shopping list). I have lost seven pounds in a week. But now that I have figured out that I have to just try eating some of the foods that I crave, I will not starve to death.

I have developed a powerful hankering for Japanese food ... maybe if we get out of the infusion center at lunch time, hubby will take me to Osaka tomorrow ... bento box here I come!

The tiredness I can do nothing about, but I just have to listen to my body and not push beyond what it can do. On Monday I stayed at work until 1 pm ... until it became clear that I could not go beyond that without falling asleep at the desk or putting everyone's life in danger as I drove home. Yesterday, I stayed until 2 pm and today I will stay until 3 pm or 4 pm. It's just so strange to wake up feeling so well and then to feel oneself fading an hour later ... I guess as John says this is my new normal.

The constant feeling of being off balance is a nuisance but I can shuffle like an old lady for 18 weeks ... let the students think the librarian is drunk!

Oh, I miss my water but I cannot drink it. Thank goodness for ice cold lemon tea!